liv.withlupus

Waking up from the surgery, I still felt super tired and nauseous. It’s pretty typical for the staff to make sure you could eat/drink/pee before you leave the hospital though, and I really wanted to head home. So I performed all those tasks as quickly as I could and moved on.

A trip to remember

Sometime last year, we booked reservations to stay at Whistler for the girls to attend the ski school there. We had been hyping it up for them since, and they were super excited. The problem was that the trip was scheduled a week after my surgery. Thankfully, the surgery went well, and I was given the blessing from my surgeon to go.

We haven’t been to Whistler for a number of years. The drive up, along the sea-to-sky highway felt very relaxing for me, the scenic route felt so familiar. I find being out in nature healing.

The girls had two days of ski school, which meant my husband and I had two 9AM – 3PM days to ourselves. Initially, I wanted to spend time at the Scandinave Spa and had been looking forward to it. Post Op though, that wasn’t an option. So strolling around the village we went. It was the only thing I could do.

I was still experiencing pain in the surgical site and was required to wear thigh high compression stockings. Since I hadn’t been active for a while, I was constantly out of breath too, and needed to take frequent breaks. It was pouring wet snow, and that made things even more tough for me. But I had found a lunch spot for ramen beforehand for motivation, and I was determined to make it there.

On the last night, we took the girls to Rim Rock Cafe, a restaurant we used to frequent on special occasions. It’s a more upscale place, and I was hesitant to take them initially since I didn’t know how they would behave or if they would appreciate the food. But hey, life is short, and we weren’t locals anymore; I gave the girls a quick rundown of some basic etiquette, and we showed up right on time for our reservation.

We haven’t had fine dining in so long, and the food tasted amazing. With each bite, I was thinking to myself, I need to live longer to continue to come here for this dining experience on an annual basis. It’s scary to think about the unthinkable. Who knows what else will happen, and how lupus or this blood clot would affect me in the near or long term? I’m mostly afraid of leaving the girls behind. It really is a great feeling to be able to share experiences that make you happy with your kiddos.

This is Me

The girls love the song, This is Me, from The Greatest Showman movie. After dinner that night, they kept singing this on the drive back to the hotel. The lyrics go: “Look out, cus here I come. I’m marching on to the beat I drum. I’m not scared, to be seen, I make no apologies. This is Me.”

This resognated with me so well. Most days, I feel fatigue. To some extent, with all the help I need to get around on my bad days, I almost feel handicapped. It’s hard for others to understand this (sometimes) invisible illness. But this is me, and my life now. It’s time to live unapologetically.

My sweet girls singing. Sound on.